news

Parents who do these 6 things raise curious kids who love to learn, says researcher: ‘Everyone can be developed'

[CNBC] Parents who do these 6 things raise curious kids who love to learn, says researcher: ‘Everyone can be developed’
Skynesher | E+ | Getty Images

[CNBC] Parents who do these 6 things raise curious kids who love to learn, says researcher: ‘Everyone can be developed’

No parent wants to see their child become bored and uninterested at school. Most don't even realize when their kids are losing interest in learning, says author and parenting researcher Jenny Anderson.

Fortunately, parents can actively encourage their kids to be more curious and seek out opportunities to learn — and they can do it without resorting to nagging, according to Anderson, who co-wrote a book with education expert Rebecca Winthrop called "The Disengaged Teen" that published earlier this month.

Watch NBC 5 free wherever you are

Watch button  WATCH HERE

In a survey of 65,000 third through 12th grade students that Winthrop conducted with the Brookings Institution, 75% of 3rd graders said they "love" school, but only only 25% of 10th graders said the same, according to the survey. Meanwhile, 65% of parents of 10th graders said they believed their kids loved school.

"There's a real mismatch," Anderson said on an episode of the "Raising Good Humans" podcast earlier this month.

Get top local stories in DFW delivered to you every morning with NBC DFW's News Headlines newsletter.

Newsletter button  SIGN UP

Kids who are engaged at school — meaning they're curious and self-motivated to learn — perform better academically, and develop skills and traits that'll help them in the long run. Children who are curious and intrinsically motivated are more likely to grow up to be happy and successful adults, research shows.

But student engagement has declined in the U.S. in recent years. Pandemic disruptions had negative effects on students around the world, and nearly half of U.S. teachers believe their students are less engaged at school now than in 2019, according to a 2024 survey by The Harris Poll for Discovery Education.

No matter how old your children are, you can encourage their curiosity and help them develop a lifelong love of learning, Anderson said. Here are her six recommendations:

Let them make decisions and experience consequences

Sometimes, you need to allow kids to make their own decisions — even if that means they face consequences from their actions, Anderson said. Instead of dictating a strict schedule for how and when they do their homework, for instance, parents could try giving kids the freedom to decide their own schedule.

You should still set firm boundaries — the expectation should always be that kids' homework will get done — but giving children autonomy within those boundaries can help them develop confidence and motivation to make good decisions on their own, bestselling author and parenting expert Esther Wojcicki wrote for CNBC Make It in 2022.

"[We're] there to support them as they make a bunch of extremely bad decisions [to learn] to make better ones," Anderson said. "So hopefully, when they leave [home], they're capable of making these decisions better."

Avoid comments like 'I'm not a math person'

Teach your kids to adopt a "growth mindset," which involves thinking of your knowledge and abilities as skills you can develop over time, Anderson said.

People who take the opposite approach, a "fixed mindset," tend to be less motivated to take on new challenges, so you should avoid making comments like, "'I'm not a math person. I'm not a science person,'" said Anderson.

"This stuff is contagious," she said, adding that parents should encourage their kids to keep trying if they don't succeed at something right away. "Math is super important in the world, and [if] you don't understand, let's get you the help ... Everyone can be developed, brains are malleable."

Talk about what they're learning at school

Anderson asks her own children specific questions after school, to get them talking about what they liked and disliked that particular day. she said: What kind of stuff are you doing in that class? Was dissecting a frog super gross?

Those questions don't make you a "helicopter parent," she says. They show that you're genuinely interested in your kids' day-to-day experience at school, which builds trust, encourages children to open up and helps them consider their own interests and feelings as valid, Anderson said.

Such conversations also help kids develop the self-awareness and confidence they need to motivate themselves as adults, research shows.

"On all these learning portals, you can find out what they did [at school] — not to monitor them, not to surveil them, but to be interested in their lives," Anderson said. 

Ask about the 'good class,' not the 'bad class'

In those daily conversations, don't ask about your kids' most frustrating subjects right off the bat, said Anderson. Leading with probing questions about touchy topics can make kids more anxious and less likely to open up about the rest of their day, potentially derailing further conversations.

"Talk about something good that happened in their day [and] get that tank filled up a little bit," Anderson said. Then, you can gently broach the more difficult subject: "Is everything going OK in biology? Is there anything you want to talk about, anything you think you need?"

Jennifer Breheny Wallace, another parenting researcher and author, agrees: Never start those conversations with direct questions like "Did you get a grade back on that history paper?" she wrote for CNBC Make It last year.

Instead, start with something like "What did you have for lunch today?" Wallace recommended. "I've found that a low-key opening like this actually leads to more in-depth conversations with my kids about social dynamics, friendships, health and well-being."

Share your own mistakes, and how you learned from them

Anderson, a former New York Times reporter, once made a "big mistake" in one of her articles that resulted in a printed retraction, she said. At home, she made a point to tell her kids about it.

"They were horrified," said Anderson. "I was like... 'People make mistakes like that all of the time.' Of course, you own it and you have to fix it and it's deeply humiliating. But, life goes on."

Being transparent about your mistakes, past or present, and the lessons you've learned from them can help ease your kids' perfectionist tendencies, Bryant University psychology professor Allison Butler told CNBC Make It last year.

Perfectionism can be paralyzing, Butler noted, preventing kids from taking necessary risks or following their curiosity.

Connect the dots

Only 29% of 10th graders say they learn about topics that interest them in school, according to the Brookings Institution survey. It's up to parents and teachers to connect "what happens in the classroom to what's happening out in the world," said Anderson.

If your child loves video games, for example, you could discuss which school subjects teach the skills required to design them — art, math, physics, computer science. Kids don't always find those connections obvious, and sometimes need help understanding how their school subjects relate to their outside interests, Anderson said.

"You know what your kid is interested in, so you can try to connect those dots," said Anderson.

Want to up your AI skills and be more productive? Take CNBC's new online course How to Use AI to Be More Successful at Work. Expert instructors will teach you how to get started, practical uses, tips for effective prompt-writing, and mistakes to avoid. Sign up now and use coupon code EARLYBIRD for an introductory discount of 30% off $67 (+ taxes and fees) through February 11, 2025.

Plus, sign up for CNBC Make It's newsletter to get tips and tricks for success at work, with money and in life.

Copyright CNBC
Contact Us