“What did I do today to grow mentally stronger?” I ask myself this question daily, and it’s not just a feel-good exercise — it’s a strategic tool that enhances self-awareness and resilience.
As I explain in my "13 Things Mentally Strong People Don’t Do Workbook," reflecting on this every day has been a game-changer for me. It shifts the way I approach challenges in the short-term and pushes me toward personal and professional growth in the long run.
The same question has been a catalyst for change in the lives of many of my clients, who learn to take control of situations that once felt overwhelming.
Why I started asking myself this question every day
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Early in my career as a therapist, I hit a wall. Despite my best efforts to help my clients, some of them weren’t improving as fast as I had hoped. When I doubted my effectiveness, I turned to my supervisor for guidance.
She said something I’ll never forget: “Are you sharpening your skills every day? Because that’s what you have control over — not whether your clients improve.”
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I couldn’t control every variable in my clients’ lives, but I could control my own growth. That’s when I started asking myself daily: “What did I do to grow mentally stronger today?”
It forced me to review my day through the lens of strength. Did I exhibit patience during a frustrating moment? Did I challenge a negative thought instead of letting it spiral? Did I do the difficult thing even when I didn’t feel like it?
Over time, this daily reflection built my awareness and confidence. My nighttime check-ins became the foundation for my mental strength.
How this practice helped my therapy clients
Take one young professional I worked with who struggled with anxiety, particularly in social settings at work. She spent hours every evening fixated on conversations she'd had during the day, replaying moments when she thought she’d said the “wrong” thing.
Reflecting on her mental strength every night helped her reframe her thoughts. She shifted her focus to moments when she did something courageous.
For example, she started celebrating the fact that she spoke up in meetings — even when she felt terrified. As she spent less time worrying that she’d misspoken, she gained confidence, reduced her anxiety, and stopped overthinking every word she said.
I also introduced this concept to a single father who was navigating the challenges of parenting while juggling a demanding career.
He used to end his days berating himself for not being a good enough parent. But by reflecting on his moments of strength — like managing to stay calm even during his three-year-old’s temper tantrum — he built a stronger sense of self-compassion and confidence.
How to make this daily question a game-changer
This exercise only takes a few minutes, but it’s powerful when practiced daily. Here are a few things to keep in mind as you use it.
1. Focus on what you can control
There’s a lot you can’t control in life — other people’s actions, unexpected setbacks, the weather.
This question reminds you to focus instead on the actions you took. Rather than ruminating about what went wrong, you’re celebrating what you did right. This shifts your energy toward solutions and empowers you to keep improving.
2. Always strive to grow
Building mental strength isn’t a one-time goal — it’s a lifelong practice. By asking this question every single day, you’re holding yourself accountable to grow, whether that’s through small wins or bigger breakthroughs.
Over time, even small efforts compound, helping you be more resilient when challenges arise.
3. Enhance your self-awareness
When you make it a habit to reflect on your thoughts, feelings, and behavior, you develop a clearer understanding of yourself. You learn what strategies work best to calm your nerves, boost your confidence, or tackle stress.
This kind of self-awareness is a core component of mental strength, and it helps you better manage your emotions and relationships.
4. Stay optimistic
Being mentally strong isn’t about being perfect — it’s about making progress, learning from mistakes, and navigating life’s inevitable curveballs.
When tough moments threaten to overshadow all the good things you accomplish, this question brings your focus back and helps you notice what matters.
Every time you answer it, you’re feeding yourself a little dose of optimism.
Amy Morin is a psychotherapist, clinical social worker and instructor at Northeastern University. She is the author of several books including "13 Things Mentally Strong People Don't Do.″ Her TEDx talk "The Secret of Becoming Mentally Strong" is one of the most viewed talks of all time. Follow her on Instagram and Facebook.
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