Oftentimes, when you achieve something significant, instead of feeling fulfilled you actually end up focused on how you'll top whatever it is you've just accomplished.
This experience of accomplishing things, feeling satisfied, and then immediately looking for your next great achievement is commonly known as the hedonic treadmill. And while collecting achievements like infinity stones may seem like the key to happiness, it actually isn't, according to happiness trainer and positive psychology coach Tami Muller.
Instead, try directional living, a concept created by career coach Megan Hellerer who recently published a book about the phenomenon. Directional living involves focusing "on the direction of our life that we're going in, as opposed to the destination and where we think we're going to end up," Hellerer says.
Here are the five phases of shifting from what Hellerer calls a life of "underfulfilled overachieving," or UFOA, and moving into directional living.
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5 phases of 'Directional Living'
1. Recognize
In order to get off of the hedonic treadmill, you first have to identify that you're on it.
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"It's seeing, 'Oh, I'm an underfulfilled overachiever, and I've been living [destinationally], and I'm doing that because that's the way that I was taught," Hellerer says.
This step isn't meant to make you feel bad, as approaching life with the goal of arriving at a specific destination is typically what's encouraged in most career fields, she notes.
2. Align
Once you're aware of how fixated you've been on achieving a specific goal, you can align yourself with directional living, Hellerer says.
The alignment phase is about "understanding and learning to recognize what your inner navigation system is telling you," not what other people want you to do.
"We think that achievement is the path to fulfillment, success is the path to fulfillment, but what actually is the path to fulfillment is alignment," she says. "And alignment only can come from within you."
Determining which behaviors align with what fulfills you is a personal journey and it requires listening to yourself, Hellerer adds.
"Alignment is finding the work and the life that is uniquely well suited to you, that's particular to you and no one else. And that's where we can have the most impact. That's where we can have the most influence. That's where we can actually have the most income [and] personal fulfillment and meaning as well."
3. Release
Unlike alignment which Hellerer equates to the analogy of "getting warmer," you'll know it's time to release something when it feels like you're getting colder.
"The release phase is looking at your life and figuring out, 'What are the things that do not light me up? What are [the] things that are colder? What are the things that are holding me back?' and figuring out how we can get rid of those things or do less of those things in our life," she says.
During this phase, you can release by quitting your job or ending a relationship, or in much smaller ways that move you closer to alignment.
"The point here is that you don't have to blow up your whole life. All of this can be incremental, but it is crucial to start telling yourself the truth about your life and saying what is actually not" working for you.
4. Orient
After aligning with what lights you up inside and releasing what doesn't, you can orient your life to live directionally. "This has to do with figuring out what I call our big direction," Hellerer says, which is similar to purpose.
But unlike purpose, your big direction is "ongoing, it's a verb," she says. "Orient has to do with figuring out the direction you're heading in without needing to know precisely where you're going."
One of Hellerer's most popular clients is Rep. Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez, D-N.Y. When working with AOC, "the direction we figured out for her was public service, but we didn't need to know, [and] we didn't have any idea, she was going to run for office," she says.
For AOC, public service could have meant being a community organizer or Chief of Staff, or both, but the destination was less important than the direction.
"We don't have to know exactly where we're going in order for that direction to provide us enough structure to help guide the trip, and for us not to feel like we're aimlessly wandering."
5. Iterate
The last phase of directional living is iteration, and this step requires being open to changes while pursuing your big direction and making shifts when necessary.
"Nobody launches a product thinking that it's going to be done right? Our iPhones are pushing updates all of the time, and the point of that is that we know we're putting something out there, knowing that it's going to evolve," Hellerer says. "That's how we want to think about our lives and our careers, too."
In your final stage of directional living, you're constantly aligning and releasing as needed. This requires asking yourself:
- Am I getting warmer or colder?
- Is this directionally right, or directionally wrong?
"Just figuring out the single next step that is going to move the plot forward, even if we don't know necessarily where that step is going to take us," she says.
Sometimes this requires taking the "wrong" step and getting colder, but "your only job is to take a step and get more information and then iterate on that. You are not supposed to know the answers. You can't know them, and you aren't supposed to."
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