Are you ‘holding space' for ‘Defying Gravity'? Here's what the concept actually means, from a psychologist

"Wicked" stars Cynthia Erivo and Ariana Grande have recently made headlines not only around the movie's release, but also their emotional press tour.

In a recent interview, Out reporter Tracy E. Gilchrist tells the two actresses that "people are taking the lyrics of 'Defying Gravity' and really holding space with that, and feeling power in that."

Both Erivo and Grande appear visibly moved. Erivo responds, "I didn't know that was happening. That's really powerful. That's what I wanted."

The now viral clip struck a chord, though perhaps not in the emotional range the interviewer had anticipated. Reactions on X show many people find the interaction bizarre and humorous.

Gilchrist responded in Out to becoming a meme:

"When I posed the question to Cynthia about people holding space with the lyrics to 'Defying Gravity,' it was two days after the election, and everyone I knew in the LGBTQ+ community was trying to make sense of what we might be facing. I loved her response, and I love that people are having a laugh, because I know I could use one about now."

Holding space is "core therapy concept," says Lisa Marie Bobby, a relationship psychologist and founder of Growing Self Counseling & Coaching in Denver.

"It means creating a safe, compassionate environment where someone can feel seen, heard, and understood without judgment or interruption," she says. "It refers to the act of pausing to fully experience and acknowledge a moment."

Being 'emotionally and authentically present in an undistracted way'

Instead of dismissing or attempting to sooth an uncomfortable reaction, Bobby says, when you hold space for that reaction, you let yourself feel it.

For many people, being in the moment isn't intuitive, says Thema Bryant, a professor of psychology at Pepperdine University and former president of the president of the American Psychological Association.

You might be physically in one place but mentally elsewhere, because you're thinking about what chores need to be finished tomorrow, or the social faux pas you made a week ago.

If you're holding space, though, you're "emotionally and authentically present in an undistracted way," Bryant says. "Instead of being caught up with the worries of the day or instead of being consumed with the past, you are present in this moment and, in turn, with your emotions and what is happening in the now."

The reason people with high emotional intelligence, or EQ, are especially good at expressing empathy is because they are comfortable holding space for their own feelings and the feelings of others.

How to hold space for yourself and others

To hold space for yourself, take a beat and don't rush past a big emotion. "We can give ourselves permission to slow down and acknowledge what we are actually feeling — if you are upset about something, or grieving something, or if you are appreciative of something," Bryant says.

We can do the same for others by asking questions that don't fit into the small talk mold.

"I may shift from the quick 'What's up?' to 'There's been a lot happening this year. How are you holding up? What have the past few weeks been like for you?'" Bryant says. This signals that you want more than a canned response.

Part of holding space is being OK with a friend's unhappiness or anxiety, Bobby says. "It's about resisting the urge to 'fix' or minimize discomfort and instead allowing emotions, thoughts, or moments to unfold naturally," she says. "Resist the compulsion to fill the space with words."

'Emotions get a bad rap'

Bryant is not surprised that some people are mocking the clip of Erivo and Grande. Feelings are often pushed aside and deemed less important than actions, she says: "Emotions get a bad rap."

Realizing that what you do and make affects people can be powerful, though. "You want people to enjoy your work, but for it to resonate on a deeper level and have an emotional impact in a positive way can be very moving," she says. "It amplifies the work."

In the clip, Erivo and Grande take a beat to recognize how meaningful "Wicked" is for many audiences. You see the actors contemplating how the movie is resonating. "They are talking about holding space and now they are holding space for this moment," Bryant says.

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